A Working Mom's Battle: Time

How Free Are We, Really?

We often hear how “free” we are living in this country. Yet, as a working mom, I felt anything but that. I was chained down by societal expectations and endless to-do lists. I was drowning—trying to swim to the surface for some air and peace. But I was also tired of thinking, “this is just life.”

When COVID-19 ripped through our world, creating tragedy and fear, it also revealed the most important things in life—the ability to love and be present. Sometimes, in the darkest moments, we’re more able to see our greatest blessings.

When the world shut down, everything slowed way down so I was able to became more present as a mother. Trapped in our own protective bubble, our family went for walks, built fires, and watched movies together. Experiencing what it felt like to be truly present—something I hadn’t been for a long time—became a tug at my heart, nagging and pulling me to take notice.

When the world slowly returned to “normal,” I began to feel the internal fight against the growing demands and expectations of that faster-paced lifestyle. Travel games, fundraising, celebrations—you name it—became the norm once again. The problem was, it was harder to pretend I could manage it all. The time we spent traveling to games and being separated from each other—because our kids were playing in different states—quite frankly, pissed me off. I was happy to see my child play and compete, but not at the expense of missing my other children, only seeing them as we passed by each other between activities.

Then, when we were home, I was stressed about the laundry I couldn’t keep up with or the papers from work that demanded my attention. This way of living was no longer sustainable. I wanted to feel whole again—to be that loving mother and wife I had been during the shutdown. I realized that when personal time is constantly delegated to events and chores, there’s a cost. Regardless of the love, smiles, and appreciation I received, I couldn’t give endlessly without replenishment.

Then my real journey began. I started to question the time I gave to certain things. I would ask myself: “Is this worth it?” “Am I doing this out of guilt or true duty?” “Will this matter a month from now?”

I started reexamining my life and stopped caring what my friends, community, and society thought I should do as a mother. That’s when I began to feel the shackles of life’s responsibilities loosen a little. My kids and my husband deserved to see a better version of me. I needed to see that version, too. Living stressed out every day surely wasn’t it. I underwent a transformative journey where I realized I was not the victim of my circumstances—I could, in fact, design a different reality: one filled with inspiration and peace. I slowly began to be present for myself and my family; part of this process included reflecting on what I gave my energy to.

Part of this journey meant reexamining what, where, and with whom I was spending my time. I began asking myself:

• Will this situation be important to me in 10 years?

• Will this problem still have an impact on my life in five years?

• Will I be concerned with this issue next month—or even next week?

• What does this event really mean in the context of my entire life and my relationships with loved ones?

• Am I dedicating my time out of guilt or from a place of love?

  
  

People in our society have become obsessed with creating events of celebration—sometimes frivolously—mostly due to competition stemming from social media. Think about life 20 years ago. How many celebrations did people partake in compared to today? How many do we feel obligated to attend now? In today’s world, there are celebrations for graduations at multiple levels, pregnancies, engagements, marriages, promposals, fundraisers, years of service, retirements, and more.

Yep, I was over it all. I began creating firm boundaries around involvement and invitations. I declined events, fundraisers, and social gatherings if they deeply taxed my inner peace—or my family’s. If people were pissed, then they weren’t my people to begin with. My circle shrank, and I was okay with that.

I also set boundaries with social media. I set a timer for 20 minutes. Instead of swiping and scrolling, I intentionally interacted with people on Facebook or TikTok who I cared about and respected. It was a way to stay connected and show genuine support—especially when my offline interactions were diminishing.

At the end of the day, you are the captain of your ship. You control where and how you spend your time. Stop playing the victim by blaming society for “obligations” you think you should attend. Get real with yourself and ask the important questions you’ve been putting off.

If you’re looking for further guidance, check out my socials:

📱 TikTok: @jamie_innerlight

📘 Facebook: InnerLight Body & Soul

You can also contact me directly for private coaching: jamieinnerlight@gmail.com